He lies in front of me, writhing, and all I care is to move away from the room so that I don't have to see him die. I didn't care if I was the reason someone was being forced to leave this world, maybe leaving behind a caring wife and loving kids. All I cared for was not to have to face him. I am a bloody murderer...
He didn't want much from me. Nothing that was beyond my means. But I chose to crush his body little by little. I could have relented, helped him with his meagre needs. I could have turned my face away, ignoring his requests. But all I can remember is the need to rid the world of him. He was not needed! He deserved to die. I was God (or maybe Satan) for him; a judge with a fine wig on, who condemned him to death.
There's his puny body on the floor now. I decide that I want to see him before his end. What is this strange emotion within me? Pity? Repentance? How could I expect me to feel all this and more for this... this vermin! I thought I was beyond all this while concerned with him. My blood is still warm with excitement I had felt while I saw him accept the death I chose for him. Was it exhilaration as he bit into the poisoned sandwich?
A numbness starts to settle onto my senses. Maybe I didn't have to overdo it all. I could have made him leave. Yet what is done is done. And how could a broom prevented him from coming back. I think I can do without him.
Just then I hear the lock turn as someone enters the house. No! I don't want to run. I'd be fine with people finding me with his corpse near my foot. But did this have to end this way?
Voices drift in, getting louder by the second. They're nearly here. I'm ready. To confess though the crime scene is enough as proof. Mom's shrill voice drifts in. "Hon, where are you? All the other rooms' lights are on. You..." She steps in to catch me red handed. All I can do is freeze, waiting for her to react...
"Good job! You killed him! Now the boom-box wires will stay intact. Go ask mashi to get the broom and spade."
That was it? No emotions for the rat who must have a family somewhere? Guess that answers it all. No need to stir emotions for a rat's death. His rightful place is in the gutter...
Fri Aug 03, 2007 6:52 pm
